And the move has started...

Today my boyfriend and I started moving my stuff to storage - my garage is so clean and empty, come to think of it, my place is looking a little sparse in areas too. My boyfriend has a 12 year old son. At twelve years old he knows a lot and I'm amazed at his endless patience in dealing with a group of short sighted adults who are soooo uncool.

Do you remember twelve? Do you remember how you knew everything? Do you remember your inability to allow adults to have a conversation without interrupting? Do you remember how you'd die if you didn't get the latest this or that? I remember these things and those memories dance around my head when I hear "soooorrrryyyyyyy" or "oookaaaayyyyyy" or the mumbling as they walk away, because twelve year olds HAVE to have the last word.

Recently we went to the Sequim Animal Park. The twelve year old wanted to go to the petting farm at the end, but we didn't have time. We parked outside the restrooms and went in; since he was going to stay with the car, we left it unlocked, my purse and camera equipment were sitting in the front, the navigational was on the dash. As we're walking out of the restroom, the kid is halfway to the petting zoo. "Where are you going? All of our stuff is unsecure in the car." "Ummm, the restroom." He did an about face and went to the restroom. I'm certain I did something similar frequently (sorry, Mom).

His inability to listen, to follow instructions, and his frequent sarcasm, arguing, and talking back had me a little freaked. I've never lived with a child before and the idea of living with a pre-teen who is in the midst of a hormonal break down some days is frightening. So my boyfriend and I had that talk and then he brought the kid down to help us move (he didn't help) and he was great, and he listened, and we had a great time. He's a fun kid, and so much fun to talk to, and I do not envy the era that he's about to enter, because adolescence sucks!

Men's Brains vs Women's Brains...

I found this on a blog by Cindy Holman that I follow and it's a hilarious explanation of why we're different.

30 more days...and I'm freaking out!

In 30 days I'll either be moving into my boyfriend's place or (please please please) we'll be moving into our new home. I'm freaking out. I'm screaming on the inside. Why in the world am I NOT celebrating this huge milestone in our relationship?

I'm a complete neat freak. I have no idea where all my stuff is going to fit in his place. He has every inch of his 1700 square feet covered. What if I don't like it there? What if I can't watch my TV shows? Will my cats be happy? I'm a huge planner, can I live with someone who is so casual about the To Do list? I have a ton of clothes and shoes - where will they live?

My boyfriend isn't even remotely concerned. Or he doesn't seem like he's concerned. I'm freaking the &^%@ out! I do want to live with him, but our original plan was that his place would sell, I would rent my place out, and then we'd move in together. My place sold, his is still on the market, what the hell do we do now?

What makes it even scarier for me is that we don't even have a house in mind. We used to, but then it went off the market; of course, before that the owners were being so wishy washy (and delusional about the house's value) that we weren't certain an offer would even be entertained. Now my boyfriend is showing me homes that are 30 minutes from the train station in Everett. Do you know what that means? 1.5 hour commute to work, 1.5 hour commute from work - on a good day! He doesn't think that this is a problem. The cop who is AT work the second he turns on his car.

I will not cancel my contract. I will not cancel my contract. I will not cancel my contract. I know that this will all work out just fine, but the Type A person in me is surrounded by casual-hippie minded people and I want to demand that they join me in making lists of things to do so that we can check them off as they are done.

Oh hell!

Secret Single Behavior

Do you remember the episode of Sex in the City where they discussed Secret Single Behavior? I've been thinking about it a lot recently. I have a quite a few that my boyfriend is starting to learn about (after 4+ years)...

• I like to watch movies on rainy days. I pick two or three and sit and watch them back to back.
• When I'm sick, I get up, take a shower, change my sheets, and lounge around in fresh PJs all day. If I'm coming down with something, I do a huge cleaning, because I can't stand my place to be messy, it drives me nuts when I'm sick.
• I like to work out at home, but alone and in private. I don't mind going to the gym with someone, but I like to work out alone.
• My cats are my babies and they're spoiled spoiled spoiled. I let them drink from the bathroom faucets, Cosmo has his own chair, Jaffrey has his own blankets.
• I read 4 to 5 books at once (photography, LOA, fiction, romance, and marketing). And I have so many shows recording on my DVR it's nuts (Friday night is catch up night).
• Although I don't sleep late, I don't get up at the crack of dawn like somebody does.
• I rarely eat a big breakfast.
• I sleep in rollers sometimes.

He has a lot to learn (wicked laugh)...

Our First Fight

My boyfriend and I had our first fight last night and it was a doozy. We don't do the yelling and screaming, but we were both angry, focused on being understood, and completely on different sides of a canyon.

What started it all? Oh, I would love to use this blog to vent vent vent, but I won't. It wasn't the subject matter that caused the fight, it was the delivery. My boyfriend wanted to ask me a question about my side of a conflict (with a third party), but, instead, he gave me feedback, constructive criticism, information on what I should know about myself and how I am sometimes.

As a woman, I'm sure you can image just how welcome that feedback was; as a man, you might recall a time when you decided to give someone unsolicited feedback - are you cringing at the memory? Not that all men do this, because I've been guilty of offering up my advice and I learned to (1) tread carefully and (2) ask if people would like my opinions.

I took a deep breath, and then took a few more, and reminded myself that my boyfriend is just trying to help, in his way, and I listened and tried not to scream and yell. For some reason, men shut way down in the face of our drama, so I stayed cool (well, as cool as I could at the moment). We talked it out and everyone is fine. We're still on track to move in together, but several questions were raised for both of us.

So I guess disagreements do have a place in a relationship.

Getting used to each other...

Although we've been together for over four years, now that we're moving in together, we look at each other in an entire new light. On the first good rainy weekend of the year (fall time) I love to sit at home and watch movies all day. So far, I've watched Usual Suspects and I'm currently watching Transformers. My boyfriend loves to get up early and head out to enjoy the world. So today we compromised. We drove out to see two houses he found online (far far out) and then I came home for a movie afternoon. We'll reconnect later for dinner at my place (or his).

It'll be interesting when we live together, because he's an early riser, I'm only one, because years of getting up for work have taken their toll. I love to work out at home, alone, he goes to the gym. I think my cats are smarter than I am, and although he loves my cats, he doesn't give them that much credit. I think we need two dogs, he thinks one will be just fine. And it goes on and on.

I love my boyfriend and he loves me. But our first few months living together are going to be hilarious!

Real estate agents & miscommunication

The dream house that I loved so much, the most recent one, has been sold. It's been under contract for nearly 2 months. So when an agent met us so that we could tour the house, it had already been sold to someone else. And for a fantastic price (because it's bank owned).

I'm astounded that one real estate agent was so clueless about the status of the home and that the agent that broke the news to us was so sarcastic and rude about it. "Didn't you notice that there wasn't a sign in front of the house?" Yes, Lady, I did notice. The other agent told us it was because the bank had taken it off the market and was planning to re-list it in a month.

I finally told my boyfriend that I can't look for houses with him anymore. This has always been my stance, because we can't do anything until at least one of our places sell, so why get our hopes up. But his motto is "forewarned is forearmed."

We're having a stand still right now. Not a fight, just silence. I'm exhausted from all of this and we haven't even gotten started yet. What's most interesting is that we're really learning a lot about ourselves and each other.

My boyfriend wants to talk things out over and over and to everyone. I just like to take things one step at a time, focusing most of my attention on the current moment.

My boyfriend wants to be prepared for all possibilities; I don't think that is possible, because the possibilities are endless.

At least we respect our differences and even appreciate them (sometimes). But it's unnerving and I love the peace of my place. Oh well. I think I should go to the beach today.

Stay tuned...

No matter where I turn, there you are...

My boyfriend and I spent the weekend together. We had a blast! Every moment wasn't spent together, occasionally we would return to our separate abodes and then connect again later. After a couple of days I realized that once we move in together wherever I turn, my boyfriend will be there.

What do we do? How do we have privacy? Do we need privacy? Do we chose our separate corners on moving day? What if we have a disagreement? I won't be able to fake an emergency bathroom break to get off the phone, because he'll be standing RIGHT THERE.

Of course, it didn't help that I spent part of my Saturday watching Snapped and Bridezilla.

And then I think of my Jaffrey, my black and white tuxedo kitty. Although he likes my boyfriend, that like is wrapped securely around the knowledge that eventually he'll leave. I can just imagine his surprise when he realizes that not only is the boyfriend not going anywhere, but there are two wet nosed, happy dogs bouncing about too.

This will be interesting.

When you don't see eye to eye...

Granted, my boyfriend and I don't fight. It's a shocker to a lot of people, but we just don't fight. During the rare times when my feminine sensibilities (called PMS) come into play, I usually take myself out of play. When he's being obnoxious, he usually takes himself out of play. We're good at reading ourselves and each other and we adjust accordingly.

However, there are those moments when things just escalate pretty quickly and we have to go to our separate corners. The thing that will suck about living together is that when we don't see eye to eye we can't just get off the phone. This is a scary thought. Right now, our separate corners exist in two different cities, 12 miles apart. We can shut off our phone and we're basically shut off from each other. We have time to cool down, relax, and the re-approach from a much better place.

What the heck are we going to do when we're under the same roof? Draw battle lines, go to opposite ends of the house and pretend that we're alone?

I'm certain that they're a way to maneuver through this and I guess we'll figure it out when that day comes. Until then, we'll just appreciate those 12 miles.